Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains
by William Ungerstein Fmerigo
Summary: I thought this was a good idea at some point. Read it if you will.
1. Part I

**ALL CORRECT SPELLING, MISSPELLING, AND CORRECT OR INCORRECT GRAMMAR IS INENTIONAL.**

Pandora Hearts: The Return of the Chains

About: New types of chains appear and alice murders them  
CHAPTER ONE  
One day Oz Vessalius was eating cake.  
"Oz there are new chains appearing" said Break.  
"Oh no!" said Oz.  
"Alice and you need to go murder them" said Break.  
"Ok" said Oz.  
"Lets go" said alice.

A/N: Oz finishes his cake first.

"Oh my god" said Alice. "That chain is called a Mrmtzlpdlykzrk."  
"Oh no is that bad" said Oz.  
"Yse." said Alice.  
"Let's kill it" said oz.  
"Ok said alice.  
"Right," said Oz.  
Mrmtzlpdlykzrks look like enormous cats with thirteen thousand eyes all over them and their enormous and breath fire..  
A/N: the eyes not the cat  
Alice used magic and turned into Brabbit "you will suffar" said.  
Mrmtzlpdlykzrk "oh no" said, "pls dont hurt am in a troll fic dont want dies.."  
Alice said two Mrmtzlpdlykzrk "to bad."  
Then she sliced it up.  
Oh no" it said."am ded  
A/N: I heard somewere tat ther hav to be 2 qotation mark.  
lice sniffed the are and said to Oz "there is a winrararchiver"  
"What is a winrararchiver" said Oz.  
"It is a small bottle filled with Tabasco sause"  
Oh no"".  
Lets kill it" said Alice.

They went to the winrararchiver  
"die winrararchiver" said Alice  
"No if kill then Tabasco sause sprays everyware alice." said Oz.  
"Oh right. can it actually move unless you kill it" said Alice.  
"No" said Oz.  
"So its a tabasco sause bottle." said Alice.  
"Yah" said Oz.  
"OK let's go have lunch." said Alice.  
"Ok" said Oz. "I am hungry.  
So they had a sandwich with tabasco sause on it.

Alice finished her sandwihc and said "oz there is a chain."  
"og no" ssaid Oz.  
"It is called a maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop."  
"hat does it do." said Oz.  
"maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooops are enormous ppoop emojys. wiht tongs too so they lick u."  
'oh no what do we do '" said Oz.  
"I have no clue" says Alcie.  
"Where is it" said Oz  
"Itis in the abyss.  
"Wait but then theres no problem said Oz.  
"who cares sabout pandora rules this fanfic is about beating up chains we cannot dissapoint."  
"Oh right". said Oz. "If we dont beat up chans and talk lik peopl with no speling then nobody liks tje fanfic,."  
"rit."  
"ok lets go"  
"one problem I cant open a portla to the abyss until i have my power releasd by gilburt" said Alice.  
"Who cares its a fanfic"  
"oh yeah."

in the abys.

Ha maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop u is dead" said Oz.  
"Am not" said maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop. "I am th e mst powerful chan"  
" no ur not" said Alice. she sumond her evil deth sithe and sliced the maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop. then it said "now u wil see m tru fprM!'  
"o no." said Alice and punchd it  
"oh no that is weaknessof me." maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop sad."  
it exploded into poos.

THE END


	2. Part II

Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains II: The Poisionous maoauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauukakakurueiaurieisifolaoofolakfiejmsujieilskrioeosokrpoooop

Oz said "Wow we defeated that chain and it exploded."  
"Yes it did' said Alice.  
"Oh no it's a poision mist" said Oz.  
"No it's just a farting chain." Said alice. "Look I don't die if I walk into it."  
"wait no Alice. It is poison and you will die without antidote now" said Gilbert who was in the Abyss..  
"Noo." said Alice who collapsed and looked dead.  
"Noo. What is antidote." Said oz.  
"Antidote is organge juice from the senter of the Abys." said Glibert.  
"O rly." said Oz.  
"Ya rly" said Alice who then was unconcious and using mind telepathy.  
"OK" said Oz. "I was thirst anyways,"  
"Rigt. said Gliber.t

Oz went in towards the door which was a door to the Center of the Abys.  
"Wow this dark is dark" said Oz.  
"Hello oz I konw you." said the uneccecary OC (Original Character).  
"zomg who is the you" said Oz.  
"I am Draconicus Vampiricus Amblamibus Bus Flowerpetal Sadface Unhappy Chain Murdering Vampire Emo Roomate. But you can cal me Emo Romate." said Emo Romate.  
"Ok where is senter of ab ys."  
"Through tihs door of course the narator said so" said Emo Romate.  
"O right." said Oz.  
He went thru the door but Emo Romate went throuh since he was thisty too.  
They were in the center of Abys... wow "ha tricked u am actually Alice" said Emo Romate.  
"wait wat?"  
"I kild the reel emo romate who was chain and am still poison so lets go."  
"Ok said Oz."

STOP THERE MORTLS said Mega-Ultra-Omega-Tron-9000. I GARD THE ORANG JUSE. U MUST KIL ME TO PROV YOURSELF WERTHY.  
"Oh ok" said Alice. "Time to murder him."  
Alice used magic and stuffs and murdered him. but then the oraneg juice turned back into Mega-Ultrs-Omega-tron-9000.  
AM INVINCIBLE AS LONG AS THERE IS ORENG JUSE. said Mega-Ultra-Omega-Tron-9000.  
"Thx 4 weakness" said Alice who drank all the oreng juse and was cured.  
NOW TERE'S NO POINT TO GARDING IT JERKZ. said Mega-Ultra-Omega-Tron-9000.  
And then they left.  



	3. Part III

Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains- The Chapter About Gilbert

One day Gilert was walking when he fell into the ground and dissapeared into a new dimesnion.  
"Oh no" said Gilbert. "Am stuck in new dimesnion."  
"you are under my control now Gilbert" said the uneccecary origional side caracter. "now u must kill oz"  
"he's not even in this chapter" said Gilbert "this is about me for onc,e since i only had 2 lins in the last one"  
"then suiceid." said the uneccecary origonal side cara cter.  
"nope." said Gilert.  
"then u must pas the 3 trails of deth and horer. I am a chane of masiv powers and made new dimension." said the Chain of Horor, because that was his name.  
"Ok" said Gilber.t "What is the first trial."  
"It is to eat a picture of Oz."  
"omg too hard" said Gilbert ran.  
A big stalgtight hit him and he fell on his feet into a pit.  
"that was going to be the gosh darn second trial Gilbert." said the Chain of Horor. "you pass since your not dead."  
Gilbert used abyss magic and flew out then ate the picture of oz. "ok whats the third trial" said Gilbert.  
"To pas the other trails."  
"That's unorigional and stupid." said Gilbert who activated spellcheck on the fanfic.  
"Oh, yay! We can talk like real people now!" said the Chain of Horror.  
"I can't say emoticons now though..." said Gilbert.  
"Yeah, that's true. But at least this is readable now, no matter how stupid it is." said the Chain of Horror.  
Gilbert teleported to the Abyss with magic, then teleported out to Earth where he ate a cake and drank some orange juice.

Then Gilbert's chapter became the shortest chapter because in this fanfic, he's a side character.

"What?" said Gilbert. "I didn't get to break the fourth wall much until now! Oz got two whole chapters to do that!"  
Too bad.  
THE END (OF PART THREE) 


	4. Part IV

Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains IV- Oz's New Power

One day, Oz was eating his favorite type of cake.  
"Oz, we left the spell-checker on in the last chapter!" said Gilbert, panting from running all the way from the Abyss to the Rainsworth Manor.  
"Oh, did we? Wait a minute... did the fanfiction start?" said Oz.  
"Yes it did," said Gilbert. "Can you run over to the control panel and turn it off before we get to the next paragraph?"  
"Sure!" said Oz. He ran to the control panel and flikc the spelchek lvr of.

"actualy mabe kep it on for tis hapter " sad Glibert.  
"k" said zO, woh flcked the spellchecking levr bak on, and all the text went back to normal text.  
"Right... take two." said Alice. "I didn't even get to come in."  
"Shut up." said Gilbert.

One day, Oz was eating his favorite type of cake when he heard Break talking to Sharon, who finally gets to be added to the character list for this fanfic.  
"Good thing Oz has not discovered his new power yet. When someone reaches the age of 15 and is still kawaii, they gain mystical abilities." said Break.  
"True." said Sharon. "He has become the embodiment of the legendary Kawaii Lord, Cierno."  
"Indeed."  
Alice sat next to Oz and said, "Do you have any meat?"  
"No," said Oz. "I am eating cake."  
"All right, let's go beat up some Chains then."  
"Right, let's go!"  
(Oz finishes his cake first.)

Alice and Oz arrived at the location of the chain. It was another Mrmtzlpdlykzrk (SPELLCHECK_ERROR: CODE 102: NO SUGGESTIONS).  
"This seems familiar." said Oz. "I'm getting deja vu here."  
"Yeah, you finished your cake first again too." Alice sighed. "This is boring. I'm going back. Even YOU could deal with one of those things."  
Oz attempted to pronnounce an emoticon, ;(, to be specific, but he remembered that he had the spellcheck on so it wouldn't work.  
The Mrmtzlpdlykzrk (SPELLCHECK_OVERRIDE: IGNORE FUTURE INSTANCES OF 102 ERROR) breathed fire everywhere and Oz's hidden power activated and his kawaii rating rose by 20.  
Suddenly, sparklies everywhere and an image of kawaii Oz smiling appears.  
The Mrmtzlpdlykzrk dies in a shower of flowers, increasing Oz's kawaii rating by 56.79.  
Alice yawned and came back. "Hello, Oz."  
Oz turned to look at Alice.  
Alice blinked.  
Oz blinked.  
Alice blinked.  
Oz blinked.  
Alice blinked.  
Oz blinked.  
"Okay then," said Alice. "So you're kawaii now."  
Suddenly, sparklies.  
Alice fainted.

"Oz, you now have the power of kawaii. People cannot look at you for too long any more without fainting because of kawaiiness," said Sharon, who was covering her eyes.  
"What about the chain that exploded?" said Oz.  
"That's was just narrative convenience," said Sharon.  
"How do I turn off this power?" said Oz.  
"When it makes the least sense for it to turn off whatsoever because this fanfic is horrible," said Sharon.  
Oz's kawaii rating normalized to a 10.  
"There we go," said Oz.  
"Well then," said Sharon. "I guess it's time for dinner since we all got to beat up some Chains."  
"No it's not!" said Alice. "I didn't beat up any."  
"Okay, well, let's go beat some up then," said Sharon.  
So they beat up some chains and then had a picnic in the Abyss.  
THE END (of part FOUR) 


	5. BONUS CHAPTER

Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains: What happens when you try to write a chapter in 5 minutes.

ALcie wsas in th sabys. " whayt am I ehetre. Siad Alic. "am a chane. tveyr powlrmfiul." said tjen chane.  
'wiwe. siad wlaice. si veyr pworrfiul fchane.  
:'sma gildbrt chsamne."  
gilber t eligmal contrathcner.  
assemble teen tite sn asaid alid e 'wtf is gteen titens,. said chaen, gilbertn chane.  
'i jsut felt like say tat. "sia dalice.  
"do rela9ze atjro oreng [posio n."  
'wat am sti;l positntd?" alice siad . "Will edead?  
'ys only this chaptet isnt cANON to fthe fangfic."  
':( said alice. 'so that means i wil be revived in the next chapter since this isnt really real 'yes "oh 'si gliber t is ilrgeal controacter. and I am chane of gilbertttt " but he is already contratc "oh yah i leid i ment break"  
so is break"  
'i mean sharon"  
"..." said ALice.  
'you have less than 30 seconds to finish the fanfic author som ake this good ok?"  
" anyways hve any snacks said alcie.  
"tyueped fats er - (TIME UP 


	6. Part V

Pandora Hearts: The Return of the Chain: I can't come up with a name for this chapter.

Oz was eating a hamburger when he realized that Alice stole all of the meat in it.  
"Alice, stop stealing my hamburger meat!" he said.  
"It's not yours. Yours is attached to your skeleton." said Alice, holding the meat. It had a large bite mark on the edge, which was thankfully Oz's.  
Oz glared at Alice.  
Alice glared at Oz.  
Alice drew her scythe.  
Oz activated his Kawaii rune to activate his magic.  
Alice attacked. Oz jumped backwards and shot sparkles at Alice, who sliced them in half with her scythe. She jumped into the air and became B-Rabbit, hitting Oz in the face with the scythe. Oz shot strawberry shortcake at Alice, weakening her to the power of kawaii, then increased his kawaii rating to 50. Alice started shaking. She had to resist the kawaiiness or else she would lose the hamburger.  
Oz used his kawaii lasers to fly up into the air, then pulled a tree out of the ground with kawaiiness and hit Alice into the ground with it while she was still stunned by his kawaiiness.  
Alice got up, and hit Oz with her scythe, knocking him backwards into a tree. But Oz flipped in midair and landed sideways on the tree, then jumped off and shot pink kawaii lasers at Alice, who deflected them. Oz hit Alice with his Kawaii magic and knocked her to the ground.  
The hamburger patty rolled into a pool of mud.  
They both stared at it.  
A tear rolled down Alice's cheek.  
"How horrible..." said Alice. "Now nobody can eat it..."  
"Yeah..." said Oz. "Good thing we have those leftover hot dogs."  
"That'd be a better lunch than a muddy hamburger," said Alice.  
So they all ate hot dogs. Alice had 10, and Oz had 2.

THE END... of unfortunately one of the shortest chapters yet. 


	7. BONUS CHAPTER 2

Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains- The Bit Where I write Small Parts based on an Idea Generator

One day, the author of Pandora Hearts: Return of the Chains ran out of ideas. As he slammed his head against his keyboard, he accidentally went to Google which had typed in the searchbar (due to his head slam) 'fnasfc deagnratr.' Due to him being able to read even the most misspelled text, he knew it said "Fanfic Idea Generator" (or was just THAT desperate) and found some ideas. And this is what would happen if he actually made a chapter out of that.

Prompt: "The protagonists all go to the beach. Hijinks ensue."

Oz and Alice exploded the beach. The end.

Prompt: "A sidekick must ask a sidekick for help"

"Gilbert! The world will end if you do not use your secret hidden power!" said Gilbert.  
Gilbert sighed. "I'll take my chances, Gilbert." He turned away from Gilbert.  
"But Gilbert! The rest of Pandora would die!" said Gilbert.  
"Gilbert... you have much to learn, my friend..." said Gilbert.  
"No... Gilbert..." said Gilbert.

Prompt: "Just make your source material realistic."

Alice and Oz sat eating cake.  
"I like cake," said Oz. "It's very calming."  
"We should go beat up some Chains!" said Alice.  
"What the heck is a Chain?" said Oz.  
"...good question..." said Alice.

Prompt: "A main protagonist gets genderflipped."

"It's not yours. Yours is attached to your skeleton." said Alice, holding the meat. It had a large bite mark on the edge, which was thankfully Oz's.  
Oz glared at Alice.  
Alice glared at Oz.  
Alice drew his scythe.  
Oz activated his Kawaii rune to activate his magic.

Prompt: "A sidekick's old crush drops by."

"Gilbert... I never thought I'd see you here!" said Gilbert, blushing.  
"I could say the same to you," said Gilbert.  
"So... well... this is a little awkward..." said Gilbert.  
"True..." said Gilbert.  
"Want to get some coffee?" said Gilbert.  
"Sure!" said Gilbert.

Prompt: "A sidekick gets stuck with a sidekick".

"Gilbert... we're trapped!" said Gilbert.  
"This is bad," said Gilbert. "If we don't get out we'll suffocate."  
"What do we do, Gilbert?" said Gilbert.  
"We use Raven to teleport to the Rainsworth manor through the Abyss." said Gilbert.  
"Oh... right."

Prompt: "A sidekick wakes up in an alternate life."

Gilbert woke up, and realized he was Sharon.  
Gilbert sighed, and pinched himself and woke up.

Prompt: "ERR_150 OUT OF PROMPTS"

Alice ate an apple. "I hate apples," said Alice. "They don't taste like what they look like, you know. 


End file.
